Hello Lamppost

 Slow down, you move too fast. You’ve got to make the mornin' last-Just kickin down the cobblestones… –Simon and Garfunkel

I believe it was 7th grade when I first heard that song and officially declared it my favorite for all time and eternity.  Until  No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom released and rocked my overalls and Lip Smacker world. 

Since then, I have discovered that slowing down is the secret of life and happiness. I have discovered this mostly through imagination. I can picture what it must be like. And to be fair, I have done it before. It’s just that I didn’t Dear Diary the rare occasions so it’s hard to recall. Not to imply I’m busy changing the world either. I am plenty slow and lazy enough. It’s just that I’m also impatient and reactive too. Lucky all of us!

You know what still rocks my world is the public library. I was just there checking out the Moffatt series for Phoebe. (by Eleanor Estes, whose name proves its worthiness–go read them!) Anyway, the fact that my library didn’t have it doesn’t reduce Library Magic™ at all thanks to a Top Ten Invention of all Time: the Interlibrary Loan. I will never not be over this. The library is my oyster.

But that was for Phoebe. Like most of you, I usually listen. Like most of you, so I can multitask. It’s hard to believe people used to do the dishes with nothing but their own brains for company. Or run errands and pick up kids with only the top twenty tired radio hits. Man the radio these days is a disappointment. While I’m at it, get off my lawn. 👴🏻

And what’s even better than cleaning and listening to a book or podcast? More books and podcasts! Another top 10 invention of all time? Playback speed! More stories, wisdom, interviews, inspiration. I can learn so much! Why would I want to slow down?! Faster=more=better.

But then Jenny told me some advice about how all the great geniuses would make sure they often had only their brains for company. As I am no genius, I just assume this is a big N/A for me.

However if someone could invent a slow down button in my interactions with my children, I may just sell my whole soul for it. 95% of my irritation with my kids is about timing. Now is the idol I worship. Because life is sequential. Until you unload the dishes, I can't load more. It’s simple math. So do it now please and thanks. If you practiced how I want, we could be efficient, we could finish earlier, I could start the next kid sooner. There’s only so many minutes in a day. Shocking to my children I also do not want to be at the piano all day. It’s simple logic. Time is precious! This is bad news for me, because the more precious I make time, my time I should say, the more my irritability grows.

One of my favorite quotes that I really hate is from Victor Frankl. The guy is never wrong.

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

If you had watched only me, you would doubt the verity of Victor. Between my children’s stimulus and my response, the space is arguably nil. They stimulate, i.e.: whine, make a face, talk back, ignore. And I react, i.e.: snap. If we used a metronome, I wouldn’t miss a beat. Sadly, it’s not beautiful music I’m creating but higher decibels and frazzled nerves. Lord, help me stretch out this space! If I could master slowing it down, just think of the growth! Just think of the freedom! I could backtrack less, apologize less, respond with love, understanding, firmness! My children would be somewhat less miserable, and I would be a lot less miserable! Lord, do you see how many exclamation points?! I must mean it!

There is one slow-down button that has done wonders for me-the backspace. (Another top ten invention?) I should probably reserve all communication with my teens strictly through text. Slow fat thumbs are a blessing in and of themselves. No matter how fast I whip out a retort to an infuriating son, it’s light years behind real-time speech. Add the backspace to erase the whole thing and start over and we have a God-given miracle.  Speaking of, exclamation points are often a good indicator I need to back it up and try again. Round two I calmly state the facts and expectations, sans drama, and use not even one exclamation point. Win! Or should I say, win.

And imagine if I could slow it down between my I want a snack impulse and my beeline for the cupboard? It’s like there is no room to consider that I might not truly want to eat- that what I’m looking for can’t be found in chocolate? Okay that is a stretch.

I knew the Amish didn’t use electricity and technology but I hadn’t given it a lot of thought as to why. It turns out electricity and technology are just ways to speed up life. I just assumed the Amish liked work. And maybe they do, but partly because work is slow. They want the slow-mo life. The present, live in the moment, what is the freakin rush life. They probably don’t use freakin either. The word came out about the same time as the lightbulb. They vetoed both off the top ten list.

Ironically, so much of what I listen to is about getting back to the now. Stop waiting for something “over there” to be happy. And stop wallowing in the past. The time is NOW. Not my iron-gripped clutch on time, but the actual now. The one you can breathe in, notice and enjoy.

I’m going to go for a walk. And breathe in the after-rain air. And savor. And slow down. And listen to my audiobook on 2x because it’s due in 2 days. Baby steps. At the very least I can commit to going slow in my slowing down.